the longest 14 hours

After just 3 hours of sleep, Maya and I got up at 5 this morning, wrapped up the last loose ends (I'm sure we forgot something), left our apartment at 6:15 or so, and Maya's parents drove us to the airport. We checked in our overstuffed and back-breakingly heavy backpacks, and apparoaching the preboarding security with trebidation, sure that we'd be pulled aside and grilled since our carry-on bags were jammed full of basically nothing but ziplock baggies themselves jammed full of drugs (of the prescription variety but still); amazingly we got through with no problem. (Good thing I left my turban at home.)

Not so painless was the 14-hour plane ride to Japan. Here's just a sampling of the bad and (a litle good) on said journey:

Good: My aisle seat - so Maya and I can stand, stretch, and go to the bathroom without having to rouse any grumpy, deep-sleeping, and loudly snoring octagenarian. Also, I get to occasionally sneak one of my all too long legs into the aisle.

Bad: The one small Japanese boy (a baby really) seated in the row directly behind us, apparently dead-set on destroying any illusion that Japanese children are better behaved than American kids. The brat whines and kicks the back of my seat before takeoff; during takeoff, he full-on wails.

Bad: The second small Japanese kid (a girl) seated in the row behind the boy, who seems to be in cahoots with the latter as the two take turns mewling and howling while the other presumably re-gathers his/her strength.

Bad (though admittedly kind of endearing): The old Japanese woman seated across the aisle from me, who, 3 hours into the flight, begins to cackle at extraordinary volume at the profoundly unfunny hidden-camera show playing on the plane's main monitors. Everyone stares at her incredulous; she continues to cackle as the man dressed up as a shrub creeps closer to the confused golfer.

(Surprisingly) Good: Dinner (served at around midnight Japan-time) - salad, chicken teriyaki, sobe noodles, and some sort of creamy lemony cake, all topped off with green tea. (Here's Maya enjoying the spread.)



Bad: The Japanese old man who cuts into the bathroom line in front of me. I'm just about to tap him on the shoulder, but then he lifts his impossibly thick eyeglasses and leans in within centimeters of the bathroom door, almost touching it with his nose, squinting, trying to read the "occupied/vacant" sign. The dude's apparently blind as a bat and really didn't/doesn't see me. I take pity and let him go ahead, figuring that my bladder is likely as stronger than his as my eyes are.

Sad: The teenage Japanese girl I observe while waiting for the aforementioned old man to do his business. She sits, staring ahead at the screen infront of her, huge tear drops streaming down her face and clear streaks of snot dripping from her nostrils. Periodically, seemingly at the last possible moment, she wipes the fluids from her face. She's either watching the most tragic movie ever made, or just switched onto skymap and discovered that we still have 10-plus hours of this hell to go.

Good: Valium (here's me enjoying the soporific effects).



Bad: Valium only working for a couple hours before the preternatually high-pitched shrieks of those damn kids shake Maya and I from our respective slumbers.

Bad (but strangely hard to stop eating): Breakfast (served at approx. 5am Japan-time) - a weird, hard raisin bun/brick.

Good: Melatonin

Bad: Melatonin also only working for a few hours before Damien and his demon-child sister behind us start at it again, with the boy doing his best Lars Ulrich impression on the table attached to the back of Maya's seat till she springs up, turns, and asks the kid's mortified and clearly frazzled mom to make her offspring stop.

Bad (but also strangely hard to stop eating): Lunch (served around 9am Japan-time)- penne in a butter sauce with barely recognizable clumps of some mystery fish on top, fruit salad, veggie salad, and tapioca pudding. (The old cackling woman inexplicably eats her veggie salad - which is mostly lettuce - with her hands.)

Nauseatingly bad: The turbulence before landing. Maya threatens to vomit.

Good, oh, so fucking good: Getting off the plane and stepping onto Japanese soil for the first time ever.